When I left SB I started to get sick and I have had this werid cold thing since then. I havent been able to sing. I thought that I was going to die. I need to sing. I love to sing. It makes me feel safe and happy when nobody and nothing can. I was so sad that I just started playing guitar for hours to make up for it. It didn't really end up helping. It made things worse because when I played all I wanted to do was sing along. I heard the sound of my voice in my head and when I tryed to sing all that came out was this horrible squeeky sound. It made so frusterated that I couldnt play guitar either because I would just get angry and then be in a a bad mood for the rest of the day.
After the first week I decided that I was going to stop trying to sing because I was probably making things worse. So, as soon as I woke up I would suck on about 5 throat drops, drink 2 cups of tea and then I would stand up perfectly straight and I would try to sing... nope not even close. This just made me even more frusterated, but my mom kept telling me that I need to be patient. Every morning for about 5 days I would wake up and do the same thing.
Whenever I would go out I walked down the street and my lips would be moving and I would be dancing all over the place. I am sure that people thought I was talking to myself, but I have gotten used to people thinking that I am crazy by now, so I didn't mind. Music makes me feel so alive, happy and confident. It's something I am intensly passionate about. . Music is an adventure, an adventure that holds all different doors, not locked doors, but doors that will swing right open if one chooses to open them. I always count on it to make me feel better and I am not afraid that it will leave me. I trust it. I know that it will always be there because we can make it whenever we want
This morning I woke up and my voice was back. I was so happy I couldn't stop singing. I spent hours sitting and playing my guitar. I brought it to the table so that I could play while eating breakfast, I brought it in the car and I tryed to bring it out to lunch but my mom wouldn't let me. It was a day I will remember for a very long time.
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