Sunday, August 22, 2010
Goodbye Summer
So. My family has decided that they are going to back to Santa Barbara. Over these last 3 1/2 weeks I have fallen back in love with having my them around. It has been kinda strange not having phone in my hand every second and just calling a friend and hanging out. But, I have re-realized that they will always be there for me and that playing weird shooting games with my brother can make my day…. Unforgettable. I am going to miss my little brother so much, and as I grow older I appreciate my mom more and more. My sister is a pain the ass, but I love her to. I have gotten so much closer to my family and I am happy that I got to have 3 1/2 weeks with them before they go back home. In a way I am jealous that they have plane tickets just waiting for them, but this is my home now, well at least for the year. I am ready for the year to begin so that I can have fun and enjoy it and then I can go back to SB. Everything has worked out pretty well. Each day has been beautiful and there is something new to see everyday. So...summer, thank you so much. It has been great. Not the easiest and carefree summer, but it is one I will remember forever. It was filled with everything that I could have ever asked for. It was so great that it was painful, because I knew that it would have to end. Next summer is waiting.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Random Thoughts and Ideas
Here in Germany I feel alone sometimes, but I have been spending so much time just thinking. I really like it actually. I don't have all of my friends here which is hard, but there is something about being here that is really comforting. It feels like home. I love exploring the city and I love traveling. I wouldnt be able to enjoy it as much if I didn't trust in the relationships I have with my friends and family. Things do change in a year, but if a friendship is real then why should't it last regardless of where the other person is?
I have so many AMAZING memories from Santa Barbara, but I love thinking about all of the great memories I am going to make here. I miss it already, but I am going to embrace this experience. When I get back to SB next summer I am going to so happy. I am going to be ready to go back and have my summer there and start another adventure. I will right again soon, but for now I gotta go make some memories.
I have so many AMAZING memories from Santa Barbara, but I love thinking about all of the great memories I am going to make here. I miss it already, but I am going to embrace this experience. When I get back to SB next summer I am going to so happy. I am going to be ready to go back and have my summer there and start another adventure. I will right again soon, but for now I gotta go make some memories.
Music 8-15-10
When I left SB I started to get sick and I have had this werid cold thing since then. I havent been able to sing. I thought that I was going to die. I need to sing. I love to sing. It makes me feel safe and happy when nobody and nothing can. I was so sad that I just started playing guitar for hours to make up for it. It didn't really end up helping. It made things worse because when I played all I wanted to do was sing along. I heard the sound of my voice in my head and when I tryed to sing all that came out was this horrible squeeky sound. It made so frusterated that I couldnt play guitar either because I would just get angry and then be in a a bad mood for the rest of the day.
After the first week I decided that I was going to stop trying to sing because I was probably making things worse. So, as soon as I woke up I would suck on about 5 throat drops, drink 2 cups of tea and then I would stand up perfectly straight and I would try to sing... nope not even close. This just made me even more frusterated, but my mom kept telling me that I need to be patient. Every morning for about 5 days I would wake up and do the same thing.
Whenever I would go out I walked down the street and my lips would be moving and I would be dancing all over the place. I am sure that people thought I was talking to myself, but I have gotten used to people thinking that I am crazy by now, so I didn't mind. Music makes me feel so alive, happy and confident. It's something I am intensly passionate about. . Music is an adventure, an adventure that holds all different doors, not locked doors, but doors that will swing right open if one chooses to open them. I always count on it to make me feel better and I am not afraid that it will leave me. I trust it. I know that it will always be there because we can make it whenever we want
This morning I woke up and my voice was back. I was so happy I couldn't stop singing. I spent hours sitting and playing my guitar. I brought it to the table so that I could play while eating breakfast, I brought it in the car and I tryed to bring it out to lunch but my mom wouldn't let me. It was a day I will remember for a very long time.
After the first week I decided that I was going to stop trying to sing because I was probably making things worse. So, as soon as I woke up I would suck on about 5 throat drops, drink 2 cups of tea and then I would stand up perfectly straight and I would try to sing... nope not even close. This just made me even more frusterated, but my mom kept telling me that I need to be patient. Every morning for about 5 days I would wake up and do the same thing.
Whenever I would go out I walked down the street and my lips would be moving and I would be dancing all over the place. I am sure that people thought I was talking to myself, but I have gotten used to people thinking that I am crazy by now, so I didn't mind. Music makes me feel so alive, happy and confident. It's something I am intensly passionate about. . Music is an adventure, an adventure that holds all different doors, not locked doors, but doors that will swing right open if one chooses to open them. I always count on it to make me feel better and I am not afraid that it will leave me. I trust it. I know that it will always be there because we can make it whenever we want
This morning I woke up and my voice was back. I was so happy I couldn't stop singing. I spent hours sitting and playing my guitar. I brought it to the table so that I could play while eating breakfast, I brought it in the car and I tryed to bring it out to lunch but my mom wouldn't let me. It was a day I will remember for a very long time.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Suday 8-8-10 "Massiere deinen hintern"
This morning my mom woke me up at 9:00 am and asked me if I wanted to go to the gym with Katjas friend that lives next store. I had a pretty rough night. I stayed up until 2:00 am drawing and reading. The last few days I have been going to bed in the middle of the night and waking up in the middle of the day. I am pretty sure that, that is not helping adjust...at all. I was actually relieved when my mom woke me up because I have been dying to get out of the house before 2:30 pm. When we got to the gym I decided to look around. Bad idea. I ended up getting very very lost and I also lost this "special card" I needed to open up the locker. I asked where the woman's locker was and i got very specific directions which made me feel like the biggest loser ever. People where walking by and giving me all these strange looks. I was so distracted by the people that were gettin all up in my business that I didn't catch a thing the guy told me. So, I found my own way (thankfully). As I was walking down a flight of stairs that led to the locker rooms a man came out of the mens lc, and there, right in front of my face was a naked man. Out of complete surprise I walked right into a lady. "Welllll thennnnn" I shouted as I walked away quickly, completely unaware at how loud I had been.
On my way back up the flight of stairs I looked back and noticed that every time someone came out of the of the locker rooms you were bombarded with images of parts that were supposed to be kept private. "I guess that doesn't apply in Germany" I thought...out loud. People defiantly think I am crazy.
When the class started everyone was in their perfect little places, well everyone except me. My mat was strewn in between the wall and a fairly large man. I was trapped. I had no idea what we where even doing. She asked us to stand... "ohhh great what have I gotten myself into." After about 10 seconds I stood up awkwardly and waited. She walked over to the stereo and turned some music on..."gettin better every second." Then she started doing these weird step and touch things. I am sorry but I am not into that kind of stuff AT ALL. I wanted to die. I just stood there and hoped that it would be over very soon and that we would just move onto something else. I figured that no one would notice... I was wrong. The teacher just looked at me and laughed and soon a few other people realized that she was laughing at me and joined in. When it was over I was very happy. The rest of the class wasn't to bad, but after every held pose she mad us stop and "Massiere deinen hinteren."(massage your ass) This was definatly not okay with me. I was not even going to think about massaging my ass. So while I waited I had to watch everyone else.
When I got home my mom asked me how the class went "umm...good?"
On my way back up the flight of stairs I looked back and noticed that every time someone came out of the of the locker rooms you were bombarded with images of parts that were supposed to be kept private. "I guess that doesn't apply in Germany" I thought...out loud. People defiantly think I am crazy.
When the class started everyone was in their perfect little places, well everyone except me. My mat was strewn in between the wall and a fairly large man. I was trapped. I had no idea what we where even doing. She asked us to stand... "ohhh great what have I gotten myself into." After about 10 seconds I stood up awkwardly and waited. She walked over to the stereo and turned some music on..."gettin better every second." Then she started doing these weird step and touch things. I am sorry but I am not into that kind of stuff AT ALL. I wanted to die. I just stood there and hoped that it would be over very soon and that we would just move onto something else. I figured that no one would notice... I was wrong. The teacher just looked at me and laughed and soon a few other people realized that she was laughing at me and joined in. When it was over I was very happy. The rest of the class wasn't to bad, but after every held pose she mad us stop and "Massiere deinen hinteren."(massage your ass) This was definatly not okay with me. I was not even going to think about massaging my ass. So while I waited I had to watch everyone else.
When I got home my mom asked me how the class went "umm...good?"
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Week #1...actually only the first 2 days:)
I woke up at 6:30 am and started to finish packing. Everything was stressful, but I guess that was perfectly normal considering that I was moving to a different continent. After a hectic morning we all piled into the car. We left at 12:30 pm, giving ourselves quite a few hours to get to the airport. Our plane was leaving at 7:00 and I assumed that our little trip to LA would be pretty smooth sailing. But our family is cursed. Something has to go wrong, we are always late or cutting it frickin close! The whole ride I just staired out the window and tried to shut my ears so that I didn't have to listen to my brother and sister complain the whole way. It defiantly didn't make me feel any better when I would have to listen to Gretchen and Hartwin take turns saying "Yep! We are defiantly not going to make it!." I just thought about all the people that had helped me with this difficult transition. For all of you that are reading this... thank you so much for supporting me through this move. If i didn't have your support I would not have felt strong enough to do something like this.
I took pictures of all the things I knew I was going to miss. I tried to think about other things so that i wouldn't cry. I had defiantly done more than enough of that. I thought about Germany. I told myslef to be in the moment, don't think about the past and don't think about the future, I will be there soon enough. After being at Middle School for 4 years I think that I truly understand the phrase "time flies when your at SBMS, so try and get the most you can out of it." I am sure that is not exactly how the phrase goes, but it's something along those lines. I am not sure where all that time went, but I know where all that learning came from, I know what I learned and I won't ever forget. I remember last fall being so excited about my 9th grade year. When I came to school my very first day as a little 6th grader I knew I was staying for 9th grade. I went through so much, and I was very confused, but there was one thing I was always sure of.
I wanted to be a 9th grader at Santa Barbara Middle School and I wanted to make everyone proud. All these things flew through my mind, actually they lingered for a long time. All through the car ride and the 10 hour plane ride to Zurich, Switzerland.
I sat next to a boy just a year older than me. He told me that he was going to visit his grandparents in Zurich. He asked me what I would be doing in Zurich. I quickly corrected him, telling him that I would attending an all German school for a year. His face lit up almost immediately and he was filled with excitement. He made himself perfectly clear when he said "WOW you are going to have a great time! That is going to be a life changing experience!" at the top of his lungs. I tried to match his amount of excitement, but I think I failed because I was not nearly as loud as he was. With a MUCH QUIETER voice I said " thank you so much! Whenever I hear that it always makes me feel better."
I tried to get comfortable on the plane, but I soon accepted that this was an impossible feat. Just a few years earlier I was able to curl up into a little ball and fit perfectly in the seat. Now things are much different. I can't curl up into a ball at all, I cant even sit without having my knees forced into the seat in front of me. I can't even begin to imagine the amount of pain tall people have to deal with.
After we landed we quickly jumped onto our next flight to Berlin. I sat next to a 12 year old girl who was flying by herself (Suzanna). Without even thinking I started talking to her...in German! Whenever the flight attendant would come by I tried to think so something to ask for just so that I could speak German. Well this is surprising I thought, I didnt know that I had such a desire to speak. I actually enjoyed that flight. Suzanna taught me a few card games I didn't even know existed. We had a lot of fun talking about California, school, her family and summer vacation. I had know idea I could actually do it. Even though I had been taking lessons back in SB and speaking with my German teacher I was amazed that she could actually understand me!
When we landed in Berlin Katja (my cousin, now my guardian) was waiting for us. She greeted us with big welcoming hugs. We jumped into her big, cozy, brand new VW bus. As we drove through the city I looked at it in a way that I hadn't before. It wasn't just a cool summer vacation as it had been every other time. This time it was actually my home. When we got to the house I went straight to bed and slept until 11:30 am. When I woke up I was filled and excitement and the need to explore. My mom took Gretchen and Hartwin to do what they wanted to do and I got to get to know this city that was completely foreign to me. I was blown away at how beautiful it was. "...wait I am actually in a city??" There where old, perfectly happy German couples walking hand in hand, children playing together on beautiful grassy fields surrounded by cute little cafes, men and women in a hurry, there where so many things happening but the movement didn't make me feel dizzy or claustrophobic. I was happy, curious and thrilled all at once. "Holy shit...I live here, I live here, I live here."
I took pictures of all the things I knew I was going to miss. I tried to think about other things so that i wouldn't cry. I had defiantly done more than enough of that. I thought about Germany. I told myslef to be in the moment, don't think about the past and don't think about the future, I will be there soon enough. After being at Middle School for 4 years I think that I truly understand the phrase "time flies when your at SBMS, so try and get the most you can out of it." I am sure that is not exactly how the phrase goes, but it's something along those lines. I am not sure where all that time went, but I know where all that learning came from, I know what I learned and I won't ever forget. I remember last fall being so excited about my 9th grade year. When I came to school my very first day as a little 6th grader I knew I was staying for 9th grade. I went through so much, and I was very confused, but there was one thing I was always sure of.
I wanted to be a 9th grader at Santa Barbara Middle School and I wanted to make everyone proud. All these things flew through my mind, actually they lingered for a long time. All through the car ride and the 10 hour plane ride to Zurich, Switzerland.
I sat next to a boy just a year older than me. He told me that he was going to visit his grandparents in Zurich. He asked me what I would be doing in Zurich. I quickly corrected him, telling him that I would attending an all German school for a year. His face lit up almost immediately and he was filled with excitement. He made himself perfectly clear when he said "WOW you are going to have a great time! That is going to be a life changing experience!" at the top of his lungs. I tried to match his amount of excitement, but I think I failed because I was not nearly as loud as he was. With a MUCH QUIETER voice I said " thank you so much! Whenever I hear that it always makes me feel better."
I tried to get comfortable on the plane, but I soon accepted that this was an impossible feat. Just a few years earlier I was able to curl up into a little ball and fit perfectly in the seat. Now things are much different. I can't curl up into a ball at all, I cant even sit without having my knees forced into the seat in front of me. I can't even begin to imagine the amount of pain tall people have to deal with.
After we landed we quickly jumped onto our next flight to Berlin. I sat next to a 12 year old girl who was flying by herself (Suzanna). Without even thinking I started talking to her...in German! Whenever the flight attendant would come by I tried to think so something to ask for just so that I could speak German. Well this is surprising I thought, I didnt know that I had such a desire to speak. I actually enjoyed that flight. Suzanna taught me a few card games I didn't even know existed. We had a lot of fun talking about California, school, her family and summer vacation. I had know idea I could actually do it. Even though I had been taking lessons back in SB and speaking with my German teacher I was amazed that she could actually understand me!
When we landed in Berlin Katja (my cousin, now my guardian) was waiting for us. She greeted us with big welcoming hugs. We jumped into her big, cozy, brand new VW bus. As we drove through the city I looked at it in a way that I hadn't before. It wasn't just a cool summer vacation as it had been every other time. This time it was actually my home. When we got to the house I went straight to bed and slept until 11:30 am. When I woke up I was filled and excitement and the need to explore. My mom took Gretchen and Hartwin to do what they wanted to do and I got to get to know this city that was completely foreign to me. I was blown away at how beautiful it was. "...wait I am actually in a city??" There where old, perfectly happy German couples walking hand in hand, children playing together on beautiful grassy fields surrounded by cute little cafes, men and women in a hurry, there where so many things happening but the movement didn't make me feel dizzy or claustrophobic. I was happy, curious and thrilled all at once. "Holy shit...I live here, I live here, I live here."
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