So, here I am writing about my experience being back home, well in Santa Barbara. I will start out by saying that it was definitely one of my top vacations/trips. Usually when someone goes on a trip, it ends up being one of the best because that person learned something about themselves. Well, I did learn something about myself, as a matter of fact I think I learned many important things. And who would guess that I learned so much about myself and my friends just by returning home for a few short weeks.
In a way it was a little strange being back in Santa Barbara because nothing had changed. It was strange seeing all my middle school friends grown up, but I realized that true friendship isn't altered by time. When I left for Germany in the summer, I couldn't help but feel like I was going to get left behind. No one was coming with me and most of my friends where all going to be attending the same school. I am not afraid of being alone or being independent, I was afraid that my friends were all going to move on and that when I came back they would all be different and ready to continue on in their new environments. Yes, we all move on, but now I am sitting the in the Heathrow, London airport and I can say I have faith in those back home. They all inspire me in so many ways and bring me an unmeasurable amount of joy. Life is full of opportunities and experiences and each person should take a break from what's comfortable for them and then later return to what is comfortable and give thanks to what you have learned and how you have grown. I am lucky enough to have friends that believe in me and my abilities, just as I feel about them.
When I saw my friends over the break I came to understand that changing schools is difficult, especially after being at SBMS. I mean, who would ever want to leave??!!! Ok, when I graduated it was the definitely one of the best days I have experienced so far. I was so proud of myself and everyone around me. I believe this is a fairly rare thing. I have not many people who have great admiration for the people in their 9th grade class.
I was excited to go off to Germany, because I knew that I was ready. Middle school had prepared me in every way possible, and when I left I could see that it was just going to be me.
But, as I was saying, moving is not easy. It doesn't matter whether you just had a long night and the next day you feel like an overweight cow who doesn't want to move. Well, life is not fair, it moves fast, so if you spend the whole day waddling around the house the next day you might just hate yourself for it. Attending a new kindergarten is hard, or your first day of 1st grade. We are all accomplishing so much each day we wake up in the morning. ITS NOT EASY. If you think it's easy then I am sorry to say that you have problems. So, reader/readers if you are ever doubting yourself/selves I would stop, because living, being happy and content is not an easy task.
I am happy that I got a chance to see that I had been missing. My best friends, my mentors, and all my friends generous and loving parents, but most of all being able to appreciate where I come from. I was able to admire even the simplest things, and the funny thing is that they made me the most happy. Such as driving around with the window open, just feeling the air against my skin. Something thats not fun to do in Germany unless you want your face to fall off. I was able to walk on the beach and spend hours and hours with my beautiful friends.
Thanks to those who welcomed me home. It was perfect.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
For the few of you who read my blog you would have noticed that I have not written anything for a while. This has been due to many reasons. The first is that so much happens each day that it is almost too overwhelming to think over everything and then pick out only the most interesting parts. The idea of this blog was never to put EVERYTHING on it. I simply wanted my family and friends to be able to go online (wherever they may be) and read about what I am doing. Well, the first thing you should know is that I am doing very well. I love this city and all that it has to offer. One could say that I am taking complete advantage of this experience. The next think one should know is that over this past month I have been going through lots of changes. I was not really in the right place to write on my blog, because I needed to work things out with myself first. Every time I began to write, it sounded like a diary, but an over emotional and complete waste of time to anyone who would be reading it.
I moved schools about a month ago. I am now attending a full time language school. It is going really well. My German is improving immensely. All the people in my class come from all over the world. That is one thing that I was not exposed to growing up in Santa Barbara, but now I am making friends from different parts of the world (some places I have never heard of). This is defiantly one of my favorite things about Berlin.
My cousin has decided to move to Freiburg. I have been trying to decide whether I am going to stay in Berlin or go with her. Let me just add that Freiburg in on the completely other side of Germany. Freiburg is somewhere someone would move in order to escape from Berlin. Now, I am not trying to escape from Berlin…at all actually, but I have decided to go. No matter how hard I try to explain why, I just cant, but all I know is that it feels right. I suppose that’s a reason within itself. I love Berlin and Germany, I am not sure I ever really want to leave, but I guess I think of it as that I have already taken a big jump by leaving my cozy little community in SB and so I might as well just embrace every opportunity I am offered. And, just because I leave now does not mean that I wouldn’t be able to return. Freiburg to me is just another part of the adventure; and it is so much different than Berlin, but change is what gives one experience and further knowledge . So, now that I have figured things out myself I am able to explain it to those of you are reading my blog, so that you are able to have a clear understanding of what I am experiencing and overcoming.
I moved schools about a month ago. I am now attending a full time language school. It is going really well. My German is improving immensely. All the people in my class come from all over the world. That is one thing that I was not exposed to growing up in Santa Barbara, but now I am making friends from different parts of the world (some places I have never heard of). This is defiantly one of my favorite things about Berlin.
My cousin has decided to move to Freiburg. I have been trying to decide whether I am going to stay in Berlin or go with her. Let me just add that Freiburg in on the completely other side of Germany. Freiburg is somewhere someone would move in order to escape from Berlin. Now, I am not trying to escape from Berlin…at all actually, but I have decided to go. No matter how hard I try to explain why, I just cant, but all I know is that it feels right. I suppose that’s a reason within itself. I love Berlin and Germany, I am not sure I ever really want to leave, but I guess I think of it as that I have already taken a big jump by leaving my cozy little community in SB and so I might as well just embrace every opportunity I am offered. And, just because I leave now does not mean that I wouldn’t be able to return. Freiburg to me is just another part of the adventure; and it is so much different than Berlin, but change is what gives one experience and further knowledge . So, now that I have figured things out myself I am able to explain it to those of you are reading my blog, so that you are able to have a clear understanding of what I am experiencing and overcoming.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
A small summary of my 2 weeks in the Czech Republic
Where, oh where do I begin. I suppose the place to start is the beginning?
Keeping it short.
The theme of the trip was land surveying. "Land surveying is the technique and science of accurately determining the terrestrial or three-dimensional position of points and the distances and angles between them. These points are usually on the surface of the Earth, and they are often used to establish land maps and boundaries for ownership or governmental purposes." To be completely honest I still don't know why in the world we needed to learn how to do that, but that's school for you. We also did a lot of hiking. All day 8-12 hour hikes. The food was shit, the showers were horrible, but I was surrounded by great people that made the trip go by quite quickly.
The first few days where gray and wet, but the rest of the trip was bright and sunny. Although the work itself was not particularly enjoyable the views where extremely distracting. The air was fresh and I was able to spend hours and hours atop beautiful grassy, green hills. At the end of each day I would come back tired, with wet leather boots, warm, but with red, ice cold cheeks. Not sun kissed, but, fresh, wet wind kissed.
The sunsets where to stunning to be real. I felt like I was in another world. Most days I didn't see anyone except the people in my class, which made it seem like we were the only people in the world. Enchanting views and wide open spaces. For 2 weeks my eyes saw fresh green and grey/ blue skies. Bonding, bright and faded colors, learning, growing, withstanding great change and physical chalenges.
Another great experience.
Keeping it short.
The theme of the trip was land surveying. "Land surveying is the technique and science of accurately determining the terrestrial or three-dimensional position of points and the distances and angles between them. These points are usually on the surface of the Earth, and they are often used to establish land maps and boundaries for ownership or governmental purposes." To be completely honest I still don't know why in the world we needed to learn how to do that, but that's school for you. We also did a lot of hiking. All day 8-12 hour hikes. The food was shit, the showers were horrible, but I was surrounded by great people that made the trip go by quite quickly.
The first few days where gray and wet, but the rest of the trip was bright and sunny. Although the work itself was not particularly enjoyable the views where extremely distracting. The air was fresh and I was able to spend hours and hours atop beautiful grassy, green hills. At the end of each day I would come back tired, with wet leather boots, warm, but with red, ice cold cheeks. Not sun kissed, but, fresh, wet wind kissed.
The sunsets where to stunning to be real. I felt like I was in another world. Most days I didn't see anyone except the people in my class, which made it seem like we were the only people in the world. Enchanting views and wide open spaces. For 2 weeks my eyes saw fresh green and grey/ blue skies. Bonding, bright and faded colors, learning, growing, withstanding great change and physical chalenges.
Another great experience.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Septemeber 3rd, 2010 (How to become friends with a city...a seemingly impossible misson)
I feel like a lot of new stuff should have happened since last time I posted, but actually not that much has happened. School has officially started though. Wow, its been pretty crazy, good crazy. Everyone has been super nice and welcoming that it almost feels like home. I don't think that it will ever feel like Santa Barbara, but I still enjoy it.
When I first came here I had this idea that after a few weeks Berlin would start to feel like my hometown. When I talk to people at my school they all seem very proud to be Berliners. When I first arrived I wished that I was just like them. That I was raised here, that I spoke the language perfectly, that I knew all these short cuts and cool facts about the city. I came here thinking "yeah yeah yeah this is my city now bitchesss."The truth of the matter is that I am a guest. I am learning new things everyday and I am lucky to be surrounded by people that are willing to show me where they grew up. It is a very personal thing. I did not grow up in Germany, more specifically in Berlin. All the people that were raised here will always have a certain connection with it that I will not. I think of Berlin as a person, someone that I am just meeting for the first time. It would be rude for me to get involved in its personal business without getting to know it first. Even though it's a place, not a person I think that it still needs to be treated with respect. It takes time to build a relationship with a person, so why wouldn't it take time to build a relationship with a city? I can't just show up here expecting to know everything. If I make a good first impression, if I keep an open mind and appreciate all that it has to offer then Berlin will treat me the same. So here I am, a truly grateful girl. I think that we are becoming friends.
When I first came here I had this idea that after a few weeks Berlin would start to feel like my hometown. When I talk to people at my school they all seem very proud to be Berliners. When I first arrived I wished that I was just like them. That I was raised here, that I spoke the language perfectly, that I knew all these short cuts and cool facts about the city. I came here thinking "yeah yeah yeah this is my city now bitchesss."The truth of the matter is that I am a guest. I am learning new things everyday and I am lucky to be surrounded by people that are willing to show me where they grew up. It is a very personal thing. I did not grow up in Germany, more specifically in Berlin. All the people that were raised here will always have a certain connection with it that I will not. I think of Berlin as a person, someone that I am just meeting for the first time. It would be rude for me to get involved in its personal business without getting to know it first. Even though it's a place, not a person I think that it still needs to be treated with respect. It takes time to build a relationship with a person, so why wouldn't it take time to build a relationship with a city? I can't just show up here expecting to know everything. If I make a good first impression, if I keep an open mind and appreciate all that it has to offer then Berlin will treat me the same. So here I am, a truly grateful girl. I think that we are becoming friends.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Goodbye Summer
So. My family has decided that they are going to back to Santa Barbara. Over these last 3 1/2 weeks I have fallen back in love with having my them around. It has been kinda strange not having phone in my hand every second and just calling a friend and hanging out. But, I have re-realized that they will always be there for me and that playing weird shooting games with my brother can make my day…. Unforgettable. I am going to miss my little brother so much, and as I grow older I appreciate my mom more and more. My sister is a pain the ass, but I love her to. I have gotten so much closer to my family and I am happy that I got to have 3 1/2 weeks with them before they go back home. In a way I am jealous that they have plane tickets just waiting for them, but this is my home now, well at least for the year. I am ready for the year to begin so that I can have fun and enjoy it and then I can go back to SB. Everything has worked out pretty well. Each day has been beautiful and there is something new to see everyday. So...summer, thank you so much. It has been great. Not the easiest and carefree summer, but it is one I will remember forever. It was filled with everything that I could have ever asked for. It was so great that it was painful, because I knew that it would have to end. Next summer is waiting.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Random Thoughts and Ideas
Here in Germany I feel alone sometimes, but I have been spending so much time just thinking. I really like it actually. I don't have all of my friends here which is hard, but there is something about being here that is really comforting. It feels like home. I love exploring the city and I love traveling. I wouldnt be able to enjoy it as much if I didn't trust in the relationships I have with my friends and family. Things do change in a year, but if a friendship is real then why should't it last regardless of where the other person is?
I have so many AMAZING memories from Santa Barbara, but I love thinking about all of the great memories I am going to make here. I miss it already, but I am going to embrace this experience. When I get back to SB next summer I am going to so happy. I am going to be ready to go back and have my summer there and start another adventure. I will right again soon, but for now I gotta go make some memories.
I have so many AMAZING memories from Santa Barbara, but I love thinking about all of the great memories I am going to make here. I miss it already, but I am going to embrace this experience. When I get back to SB next summer I am going to so happy. I am going to be ready to go back and have my summer there and start another adventure. I will right again soon, but for now I gotta go make some memories.
Music 8-15-10
When I left SB I started to get sick and I have had this werid cold thing since then. I havent been able to sing. I thought that I was going to die. I need to sing. I love to sing. It makes me feel safe and happy when nobody and nothing can. I was so sad that I just started playing guitar for hours to make up for it. It didn't really end up helping. It made things worse because when I played all I wanted to do was sing along. I heard the sound of my voice in my head and when I tryed to sing all that came out was this horrible squeeky sound. It made so frusterated that I couldnt play guitar either because I would just get angry and then be in a a bad mood for the rest of the day.
After the first week I decided that I was going to stop trying to sing because I was probably making things worse. So, as soon as I woke up I would suck on about 5 throat drops, drink 2 cups of tea and then I would stand up perfectly straight and I would try to sing... nope not even close. This just made me even more frusterated, but my mom kept telling me that I need to be patient. Every morning for about 5 days I would wake up and do the same thing.
Whenever I would go out I walked down the street and my lips would be moving and I would be dancing all over the place. I am sure that people thought I was talking to myself, but I have gotten used to people thinking that I am crazy by now, so I didn't mind. Music makes me feel so alive, happy and confident. It's something I am intensly passionate about. . Music is an adventure, an adventure that holds all different doors, not locked doors, but doors that will swing right open if one chooses to open them. I always count on it to make me feel better and I am not afraid that it will leave me. I trust it. I know that it will always be there because we can make it whenever we want
This morning I woke up and my voice was back. I was so happy I couldn't stop singing. I spent hours sitting and playing my guitar. I brought it to the table so that I could play while eating breakfast, I brought it in the car and I tryed to bring it out to lunch but my mom wouldn't let me. It was a day I will remember for a very long time.
After the first week I decided that I was going to stop trying to sing because I was probably making things worse. So, as soon as I woke up I would suck on about 5 throat drops, drink 2 cups of tea and then I would stand up perfectly straight and I would try to sing... nope not even close. This just made me even more frusterated, but my mom kept telling me that I need to be patient. Every morning for about 5 days I would wake up and do the same thing.
Whenever I would go out I walked down the street and my lips would be moving and I would be dancing all over the place. I am sure that people thought I was talking to myself, but I have gotten used to people thinking that I am crazy by now, so I didn't mind. Music makes me feel so alive, happy and confident. It's something I am intensly passionate about. . Music is an adventure, an adventure that holds all different doors, not locked doors, but doors that will swing right open if one chooses to open them. I always count on it to make me feel better and I am not afraid that it will leave me. I trust it. I know that it will always be there because we can make it whenever we want
This morning I woke up and my voice was back. I was so happy I couldn't stop singing. I spent hours sitting and playing my guitar. I brought it to the table so that I could play while eating breakfast, I brought it in the car and I tryed to bring it out to lunch but my mom wouldn't let me. It was a day I will remember for a very long time.
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